Tuesday, February 08, 2005

navel gazing as a spectator sport

The sun is slowly setting (actually it's so overcast that for all I know the sun could be shrinking or fade away) signaling that it's over halfway through the day and I've done nothing. Not that i'm complaining, it's been a pleasant nothing and I've got a few things to do later.
I've been feeling a little disconnected for a while now, I'd love to know what's causing it. My guess is that it's just the slide into middle aged ennui. I'm applying for a new job and whether I get it or not it's opening up a whole can of worms and as much as I love to examine every little aspect of my life (think yourselves lucky I don't post all that crap on my blog) I'm not particularly comfortable with this can.
Walking in the park with Rebecca is fast becoming my favourite, if infrequent, past time. It was pretty quiet today which made it feel like the park ours. Magpies ducks and geese were out in force and someone had a dog that looked a lot like a wolf. Rebecca told me about her own concerns regarding her job the possiblity of moving and if she knew what she was doing with herself, which just shows how wrapped up I get in myself that I'd failed to notice that she was having the same problems I was. We shared a danish pastry at the coffee shop and I read a kid's book called Vote For Larry which is pretty good and reminded me that disconnection, disatisfaction and ennui is something everyone suffers from and it doesn't incapacitate some like it does Rebecca and I. It's funny how when you feel a certain way life seems to throw things at you that reinforce that feeling. Hopefully we'll both be able to either combat these feelings or channel them into something positive, frankly I'm sick of focusing on the negative about myself and my life.

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